They did it!!!! The Red Sox won their second World Series in 4 years! I watched every single game, trying not to fall asleep during and finally wide eyed last night during the big win. There were times the eyes were closed, the blanket was over my eyes...anything to shield from the fact if they lost. At one point I took my shoe of my right foot and the pitching was going slightly down hill from Okajima, so the shoe went back on and guess what... a win!
This makes you think... with teamwork anything can happen. The Red Sox spent the past few years building a great team. They built up their pitching staff, their batters and continued to work on team development and that did it. And guess what, they team is a young team so hopefully more years to come... The key is for them not to get cocky and while I don't foresee that happening with these guys, you never know.
It makes me think about my own department... all new, young and naive with a few veterans. One who wants nothing more in the world than to kiss every one's ass to try and make it to the top and the other (me) who works damn hard to keep her department and the reputation it built afloat. If we could just find it in all of us to work as a team, not every one for themselves to make a team we might actually get along and do better. Here's to a little faith!
Monday, October 29, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Ian
Ian is getting married tomorrow!! Good luck Ian and congratulations. I am happy for you and happy you finally found the one for you. We went through so much together and our relationships and I am happy to hear things obviously worked with Sarah. Have a blast and enjoy...hope the weather holds out for you.
Always your old but good friend,
Kristina :-)
Always your old but good friend,
Kristina :-)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Foot Update
So mom came with me to the Boston doc. He didn't say too much. He doesn't think my issue is 100% my extra bone. He thinks it could also be some nerve and reflex symptomatic dystrophy issue (????). I have to see a neurologist (don't it kind of sound like a head doctor??) and get a few tests done. He is in agreement with my doctors out here and still has me in a boot!!!! OMG!!!
Mom and I went to the Cheesecake Factory after for lunch and I saw Jason Varitek - yep... my guy JV. I said hi to him and his two little daughters, wished him good luck and boy that made my day!! Then we went to the new Natick Mall and boy was that fun. I found a shoe for my left foot - $125 though. I will get it next week - pay week. Why not now you ask... well I spent $250 at Coldwater Creek on two pair of pants that fit with my boot on - yeah no more rolling up pant legs or capris, a skirt, a sweater and the cutest bell sleeve jacket.
Back to the foot... I have to call tomorrow and schedule more appts. and tests - fun!!!!!!!! :-) Looks like one foot is ready for ski season! Thanks for all your love and support.
Mom and I went to the Cheesecake Factory after for lunch and I saw Jason Varitek - yep... my guy JV. I said hi to him and his two little daughters, wished him good luck and boy that made my day!! Then we went to the new Natick Mall and boy was that fun. I found a shoe for my left foot - $125 though. I will get it next week - pay week. Why not now you ask... well I spent $250 at Coldwater Creek on two pair of pants that fit with my boot on - yeah no more rolling up pant legs or capris, a skirt, a sweater and the cutest bell sleeve jacket.
Back to the foot... I have to call tomorrow and schedule more appts. and tests - fun!!!!!!!! :-) Looks like one foot is ready for ski season! Thanks for all your love and support.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
When did I grow up?
Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder when did I grow up? That happened to me today. We all know even though I get up early and go to the gym (even with the foot) I still manage to work on auto pilot in the AM. By the time things started to go haywire at work I asked myself when did I grow up? Seriously it is like we wake up one day and we are older, in the working world and dealing with the troubles of the day.
It is days like this when I don't want to be old. I want to be young again when the day's mysteries were who I was going to play with, what 4 + 4 equaled, who was dating who and so on. The clothing factor, what am I going to wear today happened then and still happens now. :-) When did people start demanding things from me, wanting me to make their lack of planning my emergencies????
In 8th grade we can't wait to go to high school. In high school we can't wait for college. In college we have a blast but we can't wait to have a 'real' job. Once we have that real job we want another because we don't like what we have or we go from being a peon to wanting to be director, manager, president in 5 weeks. We always want to move up to the next level and like yesterday, not tomorrow. We want more and more and more until some day things happen and you say "omg, when did I grow up and how did I get here???"
It is days like this when I don't want to be old. I want to be young again when the day's mysteries were who I was going to play with, what 4 + 4 equaled, who was dating who and so on. The clothing factor, what am I going to wear today happened then and still happens now. :-) When did people start demanding things from me, wanting me to make their lack of planning my emergencies????
In 8th grade we can't wait to go to high school. In high school we can't wait for college. In college we have a blast but we can't wait to have a 'real' job. Once we have that real job we want another because we don't like what we have or we go from being a peon to wanting to be director, manager, president in 5 weeks. We always want to move up to the next level and like yesterday, not tomorrow. We want more and more and more until some day things happen and you say "omg, when did I grow up and how did I get here???"
Monday, October 22, 2007
WORK
I don't want to do this anymore. I miss the days when I loved my job and didn't feel like a mack truck hit me before 10 a.m. Seriously what the hell???!!!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Wednesdays
When I started thinking about writing this post I wanted it to be philosophical and have some meaning. Now that I am writing it I really have no clue what I want to say to sound good! ;-)
My boss stopped at my desk earlier and in her trying to be nice fashion said I hate Wednesdays. The more I thought about this statement the more I think I might hate them too. Really what is the point of a Wednesday. It is typically known as hump day in a clean context... What a "name" for a day - hump day. It means it is the middle day and you passed two days and you have two left to go. I never used this term until I found myself settling into a job that I like and don't like all at the same time. I never used the term in college but then again going to college is not like the real world. I worked my way through college at Dana Farber Cancer Inst. but I loved what I did and never worried about what day of the week it was.
At what point do we start counting the days as they pass? Is it because we are in jobs we don't love? If we were in a job we love would the time and days fly by and it wouldn't matter to you? If I try and answer this myself and look back on the last job I had when I was truly happy I would have to say it was 5-3 years ago. I loved my job, my team and my whole office. In fact they made me cry at my goodbye party and made me cry again this weekend when I went through all the goodbye cards I had tucked away to clean. I don't remember thinking - "gee, it is Wednesday." Maybe I did but I don't think I did it every week. I didn't cringe walking into the building, heck I didn't mind walking 1/4 mile every day from my car to the building even in snow and freezing cold temps.
I think if we all look back on a time when we were happy with the jobs we had Wednesdays weren't so bad after all. How did we let ourselves get this way??
My boss stopped at my desk earlier and in her trying to be nice fashion said I hate Wednesdays. The more I thought about this statement the more I think I might hate them too. Really what is the point of a Wednesday. It is typically known as hump day in a clean context... What a "name" for a day - hump day. It means it is the middle day and you passed two days and you have two left to go. I never used this term until I found myself settling into a job that I like and don't like all at the same time. I never used the term in college but then again going to college is not like the real world. I worked my way through college at Dana Farber Cancer Inst. but I loved what I did and never worried about what day of the week it was.
At what point do we start counting the days as they pass? Is it because we are in jobs we don't love? If we were in a job we love would the time and days fly by and it wouldn't matter to you? If I try and answer this myself and look back on the last job I had when I was truly happy I would have to say it was 5-3 years ago. I loved my job, my team and my whole office. In fact they made me cry at my goodbye party and made me cry again this weekend when I went through all the goodbye cards I had tucked away to clean. I don't remember thinking - "gee, it is Wednesday." Maybe I did but I don't think I did it every week. I didn't cringe walking into the building, heck I didn't mind walking 1/4 mile every day from my car to the building even in snow and freezing cold temps.
I think if we all look back on a time when we were happy with the jobs we had Wednesdays weren't so bad after all. How did we let ourselves get this way??
Monday, October 15, 2007
Sundays in Fall
Picture this, a cool 57 degrees and partly sunny. Football on the TV and chili cooking on the stove. By 4:15 chili is almost done and the NE Patriots are on. Somewhere around 6 p.m. the cornbread is done, the chili is ready, the fire pit is going, the Pats are still on - first winning, then losing, back to winning, and all is calm at the homestead as we enjoy the perfect fall meal for the prefect fall, football Sunday.
As prim and proper some think I can be I am all about football on the weekends. And the BC/Notre Dame game on Saturday... oh yeah and I can do windows too! ;-)
As prim and proper some think I can be I am all about football on the weekends. And the BC/Notre Dame game on Saturday... oh yeah and I can do windows too! ;-)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Lipstick and Lead??
Just when you think it is safe... lead has been found in yep, you guessed it our lipsticks. Take a look at Boston.com and see if any color you wear is affected.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Want Ads
-By The Honey Cone and how I feel!
Wanted, young man single and free
Experience in love preferred, But will accept a young trainee
Oh I'm gonna put it in the want ads,
I need a love that's true
Out of the blue
Do you ever wonder why a friend of yours who you haven't heard from in a while just pops out of the blue again. You don't talk for months, not because you had a fight or something but for whatever reason they fall off the planet and now they find their way back. That happened to me this week on a few occasions - very weird! They all tell me about updates in their lives, a problem, an issue but no one really seemed to look for help or or really wanted any...strange huh? Why bother calling me then I say! Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed talking to a few people but why do you think they called? Could they have missed me that much? :-)
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Marathons
Before I skipped town for the rest of the weekend I brought my best friend Sara to the airport this morning. She is heading to Kona to compete in the Iron Man World Championships. Yep, you read right - the big race of them all - Iron Man. She is my friend who kicks ass! Ok, all my friends do but she literally can kick ass. :-)
She was my inspiration to start running. She inspired me and my great-gram motivated me through her struggles. Watching Sara makes it look so effortless and in all reality it isn't. To train for any race takes dedication and practice. Me being me was like "ok, so let's do it"...the same mentality I have for everything. The 150 mile bike ride I did one month after a marathon - yep, same mentality. There was never much training to be done... ok, that is a lie. I think for months I didn't drink much but I certainly pushed myself in a small capacity of time and I did have muscle strains and pains. I did have a team of therapists (physical, although I could probably have needed some mental too) and a few massage therapists who helped me stay flexible throughout.
Sara's constant motivation and friendship kept me going. I felt knowledgeable about everything with the human body and it made me happy. Then came a stupid crash on my bike - Sara said if there was no blood then it isn't considered a real crash! Well my arm didn't listen because I did damage the nerves slightly and that took some recovery time and just as I started running more and prepping to run yet another marathon - this stupid foot thing happens and lays me up for over 5 months now. It didn't kill me so much this summer in the heat and humidity to not run but to see the cross country teams run and hear about marathons, see neighbors out running and to drop Sara off at the airport to compete in the biggest race of any one's lives, kills me. I am not a super runner, but I am a decent runner - someone who wants to get better and is always willing to try new things and now she can't. She is at the mercy of her foot and the doctors. This journey I am on feels like a marathon but I tell you this... you can't be Sara's friend and give up and that I will not do. I will run again and I will bike again and someday I will suck it up an learn to swim the competitive way. I may never be an Iron Man champion or even competitor but I am certainly my own champion and my own hero and I have Sara to thank for that.
Sara - kick ass next Saturday in Kona. We all love you and are praying and cheering for you. May the wind be at your back, the lava fields not so hot and may your grandpa be up there in that blue sky guiding you along through the swim, the bike and the run. You deserve this more than anyone I know.
p.s. going to Boston on Oct. 25th to see a specialist there. My next option here is very invasive surgery and the doc isn't sure that will fix me... I am not so angry at him after he told me about the surgery and I can't blame him. The recovery is a marathon in itself.
She was my inspiration to start running. She inspired me and my great-gram motivated me through her struggles. Watching Sara makes it look so effortless and in all reality it isn't. To train for any race takes dedication and practice. Me being me was like "ok, so let's do it"...the same mentality I have for everything. The 150 mile bike ride I did one month after a marathon - yep, same mentality. There was never much training to be done... ok, that is a lie. I think for months I didn't drink much but I certainly pushed myself in a small capacity of time and I did have muscle strains and pains. I did have a team of therapists (physical, although I could probably have needed some mental too) and a few massage therapists who helped me stay flexible throughout.
Sara's constant motivation and friendship kept me going. I felt knowledgeable about everything with the human body and it made me happy. Then came a stupid crash on my bike - Sara said if there was no blood then it isn't considered a real crash! Well my arm didn't listen because I did damage the nerves slightly and that took some recovery time and just as I started running more and prepping to run yet another marathon - this stupid foot thing happens and lays me up for over 5 months now. It didn't kill me so much this summer in the heat and humidity to not run but to see the cross country teams run and hear about marathons, see neighbors out running and to drop Sara off at the airport to compete in the biggest race of any one's lives, kills me. I am not a super runner, but I am a decent runner - someone who wants to get better and is always willing to try new things and now she can't. She is at the mercy of her foot and the doctors. This journey I am on feels like a marathon but I tell you this... you can't be Sara's friend and give up and that I will not do. I will run again and I will bike again and someday I will suck it up an learn to swim the competitive way. I may never be an Iron Man champion or even competitor but I am certainly my own champion and my own hero and I have Sara to thank for that.
Sara - kick ass next Saturday in Kona. We all love you and are praying and cheering for you. May the wind be at your back, the lava fields not so hot and may your grandpa be up there in that blue sky guiding you along through the swim, the bike and the run. You deserve this more than anyone I know.
p.s. going to Boston on Oct. 25th to see a specialist there. My next option here is very invasive surgery and the doc isn't sure that will fix me... I am not so angry at him after he told me about the surgery and I can't blame him. The recovery is a marathon in itself.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Eat, Pray, Love
I am reading this new book by Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love. It is about her journey in finding out who she really is after a divorce. It is amazing (not quite done). It talks about her year journey abroad in Italy, India and finally Bali.
I am not done yet but I watched her today on Oprah. I just love the book and had to watch. I found out her happy ending, that she found love again, but I am still intrigued to finish it. She goes on the most amazing journey and some things they talked about on the show reinforced what I read.
I am not done yet but I watched her today on Oprah. I just love the book and had to watch. I found out her happy ending, that she found love again, but I am still intrigued to finish it. She goes on the most amazing journey and some things they talked about on the show reinforced what I read.
- Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone should be. Meaning, stop wishing for things to happen - make them happen.
- I don't need to go on a year long journey to exotic places (though it would be nice) to find myself. I can start asking myself the questions anywhere and allow myself to listen in.
- I too have a hard time being in my own skin... might be because of my miscarriage many years ago, my loss of trust towards many, my own expectations of myself - all debilitating things for one psyche.
- Start a journal and answer this question every morning: What do I really, really, really want? "You have to say really, really, really three times or else you don't believe it. And answer it truthfully and do it again the next day and the next and the next," she says. "Because you can't set your journey if you don't know what you're for."
- Write down the happiest moment of every day in a happiness journal. "It's a way of reminding myself what really makes me happy and what doesn't," she says, "and learn and study and look back and see what is it consistently."
- Refine your mantra. "I say refine, not choose, because we all actually already have a mantra. We just might not realize that we do. Whatever you repeat constantly in your head is your mantra whether you know it or not, and that is leading you on your way," she says. "So if you're repeating, 'I'm a moron, I'm an idiot, I'm a failure, I'm a jerk, I'm a loser,' it's your mantra. So decide whether that's working for you. … Maybe it's not and then maybe you might want to choose a different thing to try to say whenever you remember that you're thinking what you're always doing."
Take from Oprah.com
Love Affair update...
... from afar I watched Pizza Guy from the car when we went to pick up dinner tonight... :-) I also want to know who the cute cop was while I was there!
A new love affair
I have a new love affair... with my pizza guy. I also go to the same grinder/pizza shop and over the past few years became acquantances with the pizza guy. He is younger than me. We met at the shop but we were both in PT together 3 years ago - me for me knee, him for his shoulder. One afternoon we were both working hard and realized we knew each other. So every time I come in, and I almost always go, we chat about our latest injuries and aches and pains, any PT appointments, etc.
It is sad because I look forward to going to the pizza shop, I really do. This young guy inflates my slightly deflated ego - cast and all. Always intent, always listening, somewhat drops his "pizza making" to spark up conversation or drops what he is doing to get my order. A simple 5 minute in and out trip can sometimes be 10 minutes or longer just so we can chat.
In three weeks I have gone there 4 or 5 times, either it has been too hot to cook or just didn't want too, but there are other take out places you know! :-)
It is sad because I look forward to going to the pizza shop, I really do. This young guy inflates my slightly deflated ego - cast and all. Always intent, always listening, somewhat drops his "pizza making" to spark up conversation or drops what he is doing to get my order. A simple 5 minute in and out trip can sometimes be 10 minutes or longer just so we can chat.
In three weeks I have gone there 4 or 5 times, either it has been too hot to cook or just didn't want too, but there are other take out places you know! :-)
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Ouch
How awful is it when someone says to you "Are you feeling ok? You don't look ok?" The answer to that question is no I am not feeling ok. My foot is about the size of my two feet put together right now and it hurts, my tummy is a little achy and to top it off I took a stress test today (online version) and it said my stress levels are off the chart, also known as, highly stressed and close to a breaking point. I wish I could feel better or say that when I go home and not open my laptop I feel ok but I can't. The anxiety, stress, and anything else is getting to me. I have never been in such a bad spot and that includes when I worked full time at MM and went to grad school.
I think the being thrown into everything at work is getting to me. I have finally learned not to always open my laptop up at home even if I drag it there but work is never far behind. Always worrying that everything is going to get done and the right people are "getting it." Sadly, I know this isn't happening and not only do I have to worry about it but I have to do it.
If you work with me and read this over the next few days you will know I am not going to be in. I am taking some mental health days and hopefully letting people realize it isn't all about me running this department but I also have to take the time and deal with my foot and the doctors. I wish while I am away I can forget about work but I don't foresee that happening either. I can almost guarantee a phone call or two.
For some reason I have the weight of the world on my right now and I want to just run away and forget about the world!!!
I think the being thrown into everything at work is getting to me. I have finally learned not to always open my laptop up at home even if I drag it there but work is never far behind. Always worrying that everything is going to get done and the right people are "getting it." Sadly, I know this isn't happening and not only do I have to worry about it but I have to do it.
If you work with me and read this over the next few days you will know I am not going to be in. I am taking some mental health days and hopefully letting people realize it isn't all about me running this department but I also have to take the time and deal with my foot and the doctors. I wish while I am away I can forget about work but I don't foresee that happening either. I can almost guarantee a phone call or two.
For some reason I have the weight of the world on my right now and I want to just run away and forget about the world!!!
Monday, October 1, 2007
The hardest things I have to do
Last night and today I have realized the hardest things I need to do. I need to say goodbye to Ian who is getting married soon and to Chris as well. Ian because as I said, he is getting married and it truly isn't all about me anymore and to Chris who I tried to use as a void for Ian but he couldn't fill that void because as much as he cares for me I am not that important to him.
So today I sent Chris an email. I hated to do the email but I know it is the only way to reach him right now. I said I have to cut my ties with him because it is unfair of me to expect things from him he wasn't capable of doing or frankly knew I wanted him to do. I told him I love him and always will but I am not in love with him. I said we either needs to define us as friends and what kind of friends or suck it up and try dating and see how that goes. Any which way we need a definition to who we are as a "couple" and we need to stick by it. Problem is Chris is still trying to grow up and any type of definition is hard for him...or so I think.
As for Ian, I haven't emailed him yet so maybe he will read this first, which isn't my intention but I need to cut him off too. I am just afraid of the upcoming for all of us. I know when his wedding day arrives I will have an issue, sorry Ian. I will because for so long Ian was the guy for me who listened, offered advice, watched TV with - everything. We finished each other's sentences and while his life didn't revolved around me in some ways it did and vice versa. I was his go to girl and he was my go to guy. We had some issues these past few years but I never thought I would truly be replaced, stupid me, and so soon. I am happy for him and for her because she is getting an amazing guy. I also wanted to send a wedding gift but now I know I can't because this time is all about her, not about me. Plus after he gets married at the end of this month we will have even more limited contact now because it will truly be all about her now.
So I have come to the time in my life when I have to realize it is not all about me, it can't be. I also need to let go of those I love for all of us to be better off and for the first time in a long time I feel truly alone. I know I have some true friends out there but Ian and Chris were in my life the longest and they are my guys friends too and those are always hard to come by.
So for now, farewell to both Ian and Chris. I love you both dearly and more than words can describe. Only time will tell how and if we enter our lives again but something inside me keeps the faith. Much love, K
So today I sent Chris an email. I hated to do the email but I know it is the only way to reach him right now. I said I have to cut my ties with him because it is unfair of me to expect things from him he wasn't capable of doing or frankly knew I wanted him to do. I told him I love him and always will but I am not in love with him. I said we either needs to define us as friends and what kind of friends or suck it up and try dating and see how that goes. Any which way we need a definition to who we are as a "couple" and we need to stick by it. Problem is Chris is still trying to grow up and any type of definition is hard for him...or so I think.
As for Ian, I haven't emailed him yet so maybe he will read this first, which isn't my intention but I need to cut him off too. I am just afraid of the upcoming for all of us. I know when his wedding day arrives I will have an issue, sorry Ian. I will because for so long Ian was the guy for me who listened, offered advice, watched TV with - everything. We finished each other's sentences and while his life didn't revolved around me in some ways it did and vice versa. I was his go to girl and he was my go to guy. We had some issues these past few years but I never thought I would truly be replaced, stupid me, and so soon. I am happy for him and for her because she is getting an amazing guy. I also wanted to send a wedding gift but now I know I can't because this time is all about her, not about me. Plus after he gets married at the end of this month we will have even more limited contact now because it will truly be all about her now.
So I have come to the time in my life when I have to realize it is not all about me, it can't be. I also need to let go of those I love for all of us to be better off and for the first time in a long time I feel truly alone. I know I have some true friends out there but Ian and Chris were in my life the longest and they are my guys friends too and those are always hard to come by.
So for now, farewell to both Ian and Chris. I love you both dearly and more than words can describe. Only time will tell how and if we enter our lives again but something inside me keeps the faith. Much love, K
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