I Don't Know Where to Even Start!

I honestly don't even know where to begin. B.L. has my mind so boggled I am at a loss. I have said in recent posts he emailed me and we have been talking... well last night we met for cocoa. This makes attempt three, not that I am counting ;-)

I was a little reserved... rightfully so I feel. We talked about the job, his and mine, prospects and he vented about his friends. I listened and then I did what some may consider braking a cardinal law... he suggested his friend was a nitwit and I said "I guess it takes one to know one." This was after he emailed me admitting he was a nitwit. Oh well... but he left the door open and I admitted I was joking. Apparently some guys are sensitive because that changed the mood of the night.

We parted and I suggested we do dinner. This morning I hear from him in email and this is what he has to say.

I got your message. I meant to tell you last night that I met someone recently......I like her alot. I was going to tell you, but then you made the "it takes a nitwit to know a nitwit" comment and I was aggravated so it slipped out of my mind

I don't have the annulment papers with me right now. I'm hoping they mysteriously catch fire today and burn to a pile of very fine ashes.

So do I believe he met someone??? Not really sure. We didn't leave right after that comment either... so who the heck knows. This is what I said.

Oh, not really sure what to say but I am happy for you. I didn’t know what to expect from your email this past time honestly but I wanted to go with the flow. Not sure what I was expecting from last night either, so guess it’s my fault. I truly hope you realize I was kidding you with that comment but you did leave yourself open for it but saying it in your email and then calling your friend a nitwit. I am sorry it aggravated you.

I guess my question is, and I think it is a reasonable one, what do you want to happen with us? Do want us to be occasional friends or just completely move on? You seem genuinely interested in hearing about my potential venture and I honestly believe you are and I am willing to help you in any professional way I can… so I guess the ball is in your court and you decided how you want to proceed.

I don't know what he will say if anything. But I have been through more mind games with this one than anyone I know. I honestly believe we could make something work if we tried or maybe at another time. The potential is there but maybe the timing is not right. I guess I will leave this one up to a higher power and as for drunk dialing... I need to change his contact listing in my phone so I can't go directly to it!!! ;-)
~xoxo

No One is Going to be There

I had an amazing day today and no one was there for me. I used to have a best friend, Ian. I could call him 24/7 and tell him the good, the bad, the ugly and all about job prospects, men, etc. Well I had an interview today and it went very well and then no one to call. I felt really sad to get in the car and I called S and he was busy with work, I called B.L. to let him know we could go out for coffee tonight and I hadn't heard yet, no one I wanted to talk to was around. B.L. and I certainly have had our differences but I know he truly supports me on this venture.

Ok, don't get me wrong... I have other friends but not ones I can call at any hour of the work day to say OMG!!! Ian was always that guy and S is mostly that guy but he hasn't called yet... WTF!! Oh well. Off to call Sara and leave her a message!
~x0x0

The Rest of the Weekend

I finally woke up about 9:30 a.m. and relaxed a bit. Eggs and toast and some TV catch up then I finally got my lazy bum off the couch around noon and went out for some errands. Met up with Matt who had the day off, yeah he is the ex and so what. We are good friends. Exchanged some shirts at Gap and bought another bra, Starbucks and some window shopping through the Longmeadow Shops and then off to TJ Maxx to see about buying that gorgeous jacket I wore yesterday. I borrowed Cris's but I got so many compliments I have to see about getting my own!!! I almost retreated to just getting a fun jean jacket but then I found it... So I got both and left the adorable open toed, black patent wedges on the rack... hey Friday is pay day! Oh but maybe I will have to get them Wednesday for Thursday's conference... hmmm...

After some quality coffee and shopping time with Matt I came home for some Red Sox action... too bad they lost. Outside of Matt I heard very little from the rest of my men. S was out of commission and B.L. never responded back so oh well... Meant a quite afternoon and I was ok with that...although I didn't want to sit all afternoon...

All in all an amazing weekend. More to come because this is only the beginning of the spring/summer season!!!!
~xoxo

Saturday Recap

I know... you can't wait to hear about yesterday. I had an absolute ball!!! I went out drinking Friday night and had a great time but I again drink dialed B.L. Shit! Oh well... until I woke up to his text message Saturday morning. Come on, I had one hour left to sleep... oh well. I did answer back and we did go back and forth a bit while I was showering (no texting in the shower of course), curling the hair, getting dressed and eating breakfast. I was on the road by 8:45 and on my way. I hit a little traffic but got to the site just after 11 a.m. I walked in and saw Mindy, my best friend who I haven't seen in ever!!! I was quickly ushered into the judges room to start reviewing profiles and before I knew it interviews were beginning. The girls were good... some young, some nervous, some didn't sound like the education behind them really was, etc. After a grueling two hours a quick lunch and then it was pageant time. It was a quick afternoon because there were 16 girls we had to judge, 8 for my group of judges and 8 for the other group - we were awarding four titles in all. It is stressful to judge each girl after each event and then rank the top five... and not have any cross outs, etc. on your sheets. OMG... stressful. Finally the time has come, the runners up are picked and the four title winners are chosen. Wow... done. Not quite yet, we are whisked away to the judges room to critique the girls we picked and suggest what they need to work on like better shoes and gowns, stop talking so much during interview, act older, cut down on makeup, etc. And... DONE!!! My duties are over. Mindy and I have some time to chat and then time to go. She had the pageant today for crowing Miss Outstanding Teen 2008 and I was heading back home. So many times I thought to just drive the 16 miles to the Cape and have a good meal overlooking the water. Yeah sounds good but wasted a completely hot outfit on driving back home. I looked like the perfect judge thanks to Cris for letting me borrow her black and white jacket. Went amazingly well with my black dress, black and white shoes and silver jewelry... LOVED IT!!! And Mindy said I looked every part judge. But home I came and to bed early... it was a long stressful day after all.

Oh, don't worry... I will be doing it again. A fellow judge was a part of the Western Mass division and he will be getting me involved. I already have an invite to the BBQ this particular judge is giving for all the girls who competed and all the "workers." So guess who is getting involved in the pageant circuit now????? Yep, that would be me. I may not compete but I will be having a blast!!!!

Jobs

Jobs seem to be a point of contention lately for a lot of my friends. We all can't afford to leave the jobs we are in in search of another yet nothing seems to be knocking down or door or the doors we knock down won't budge. What gives??? I actually have an interview, a second one, next week. This job could be absolutely amazing for me - travel, more of responsibility, networking and meeting new people, hopefully more money but more importantly what I would rather be doing. Someone once said to me you can't always do what you love in order to support yourself and darn them for telling me the truth but I am finding there is something about my generation of 20 somethings who want it all. We want the higher, corner office job that we like and make good money from. I don't think we are greedy we just want to accomplish everything we hope for and we want to do it at a younger age. We see our parents, mentors, employers, relatives and neighbors and they all are older, work extremely hard for what they have but these people don't always enjoy their lives. They work too much and don't get to go out and enjoy life. They don't call out for a day just because. My generation on the other hand does and we still expect to get ahead. Their is nothing wrong with that in my mind. I work hard but I haven't managed finding a balance between work and living life. How is it getting a higher job, better money and having more time off helps... not sure but something about achieving it by 30 feels better than achieving it at 50 when kids are grown. We aren't the greedy ones, we just want to be able to enjoy our lives and our families throughout our lives. Selfish... ok maybe a little!
~xoxo

Seriously???!!!

Seriously???!!! I my wildest dreams I never expected to open my personal email account and see an email from B. "Are you kidding" is what flashed through my mind as I saw his name. Of course I was intrigued and opened it. This is what he said - the whole thing...

Hey girl...
In case you hadn't deduced by now, I'm basically a nitwit. I don't know if you really care to hear from me or not, but I thought I should reach out for my own peace of mind and apologize for how I treat you. You're a sweet girl and I definitely liked hanging out with you, but I've never been the kind of guy to answer every call or text or any of that stuff, and I realize its a shortcoming of mine. I guess I just don't know how to behave and at age 27 I should be more upfront and mature. I'm working on it. Anyway, I hope all is well and again I apologize.

I did the nice thing and emailed back. So we shall see... I am not sure what I want or where I want any of this to go if anywhere. Why are men so damn confusing???!!!

~xoxo

3's About Me

In honor of getting to know more about me, here it goes. Thanks Sara for sending this along!!!

Three jobs I have had in my life: Event Planner, Waitress, Data Specialist

Three places I have lived: Springfield and Boston… need that third!

Three shows that I watch: Gossip Girl, Samantha Who, Cashmere Mafia

Three places I have been: Florida, California, Bahamas – seeing a trend here!

Three people who email me regularly: we go in spurts…

Three of my favorite foods: Salad with chicken, Buffalo Tenders/Wings, Pasta (Beer if you consider it food would substitute the Pasta)

Three places I'd rather be right now : Bahamas, San Francisco, Napa Valley

Three friends I think will respond: ????

Three things I am looking forward to this year: Biking, Running, Seeing my friends – with the past year shot because of my foot… lots was put on hold! Here’s to a good comeback!

Single Again

Men suck and this time I am DONE with B!!! He blew me off this week after running into his ex over the weekend, also known as a friend of mine. She and I have not spoken much and I did keep this from her but he saw her out last weekend and mentioned me knowing him. She acted weird all week and he stopped talking to me so it's done. Over, finite, finished.... I am not sure if something is up between them or not but they both acted weird. He takes three days to tell me and she can't remember what she did the night she saw him... yeah! Some friends... and by the way, you shouldn't have to check with one friend to hang with another... yeah she had to check with her girl Rach to see if she could go shopping with me Friday. Like anything in Springfield is more fun than shopping at Nordstrom's and spending the evening in West Hartford Center, I think not!!!

So that leads me to being single again. Match.com sucks and no one here seems to appeasing. I spent the afternoon with Bri and that was fun. I think we are better off FW limited B. He has a hard time keeping up... then again I used to be his older sister's best friend... so sometimes things can get weird with that. S and I are definitely better friends than anything and we are both cool with that. The one thing I love about him though is nothing I say surprises him - he is ok with the fact I am buying a pink laptop, my new black flip flops are sparkly, I have a shoe and bag fetish, he doesn't seem to mind. I find that very sweet he accepts me for me. Chris is been non existent and I haven't bothered much with Matt. So this leads me to no one... OMG!!!

What do I do next??? Where do you look for men???
~xoxo

Warm Weather Equals Shopping????

The other day was a gorgeous sunny day in western mass. It was about 60 degrees and I was stuck in the office. I did go out for lunch and ended up buying a new Coach Bag!!! I checked my bank account before I did and found out my tax money was deposited so I went shopping… how bad of me!!!! But I wanted a new bag. Mind you, this is not the bag I want. The one I want was not there and I didn’t want to wait!!! So I am still looking for the bag I want. Oh and I also want a new Vera Bradley… that would have been cheaper!

So why does the warm weather make you want to buy more?

Sweet

Last night B left work around 3:45 and I knew he was going golfing and then to bed early because he was wiped. I thought he might actually skip golf and head for bed (which he did). I sent a message from my phone as I was leaving to say have a good night and hope he can sleep (he hasn't been) as I was going to dinner with a friend. After dinner I did a little warm weather retail therapy. When I got home and was getting my lunch, etc. ready for today I got a nice message from B asking how dinner was. He did go home to bed after work and was in and out and realized I should be home and wanted to check in. I told him I also went shopping and bought a few nice things. But then I wrote him saying I too was going to bed because I had a wicked headache, definitely not Sangria induced but more like allergies. Then I rolled over. I thought I heard the phone but not sure and ignored it. This morning when I woke up I looked at my phone to find a message from him wishing me to sleep tight and sweet dreams as well as hoping I feel better. How sweet!!!! I had a huge smile on my face. While we are taking things slow and I am keeping me in better check this time I can't help but smile when he says sweet things, it makes me feel good.

What is it that someone does for you that makes you smile and feel like a child again???
~xoxo

What an Amazing Day!!!!

My day has been amazing so far and it was only 7:45 by the time I knew it was amazing!!!

I woke up this morning and did my usual cardio circuit and then decided to go out for a jog. So I left the gym and starting jogging in the parking lot and then did a 1/4 mile loop. I felt amazing, outside of sucking wind. I realized when I finished, caught my breathe and was stretching today is 11 months to the day since I hurt my ankle and went through the whole process I did. How psyched am I???!!! I am going to start jogging more now... not so much miles but more days of the week.

When I get to work I have an email from a friend who wants me to judge the Miss Baystate/Commonwealth pageant which is part of the Miss MA pageant leading up to Miss America. Um, I said yes just so there is no confusion...let's get that out of the way right now. So now comes the work of finding just the right outfit to wear. It has to be perfect.

If that isn't enough I have a job prospect that might very well seal the deal. I can't wait. I can't divulge too much now but keep your fingers crossed.

~xoxo

St. Patrick's Day Parade

Every year my friends and I go to the annual parade for St. Patrick's Day. Some years there are lots of us and some only a few. This year there was bout 10 of us and lots of alcohol... to top off the already drunken weekend I was partaking in. This is the one day in the city of Holyoke I can have an open container and the cops don't care. How about a big bottle of Vodka... yep that too. I had it out and actually asked a cop walking by if he wanted some. I was off the wall crazy that day and loved it.

So this was the day when I drunk dialed the old boy... he didn't answer. But he did email me a few days later. And I responded and we got along. We talked about our issues from a few weeks before and came to a conclusion... we both were wrong and lets try again day by day. So that is where we are. Did I mention how super cute he is??? Ohh but did I mention he used to date a friend of mine a few years back??? Yeah and I haven't told her about him yet. Actually she just called me a few weeks ago because she is back to being single and wanted to go out... i have not heard from her in 3 months. So see i was in no rush to tell her... Plus sometimes I don't know if I want to hear her take on the relationship she had. He told me what i believe to be a pretty honest story because well i did learn he is an honest guy but sometimes when we get dumped our story changes to make us feel better. I am afraid she will do that.

Oh and on parade day I also had my picture taken by one of the local papers and come to find out that picture landed on the front page of one of the local papers... and other people noticed it before me! I was and still am famous at work for the picture. Everyone loves it and I do too. Leave it to me to have the picture end up on the front page of the paper!!!

Ok, talk soon.
~xoxo

Where to Begin???

It has been awhile since my last post and I apologize. My head has not been on straight... lots of partying and more partying. All to encompass the drunk phone call I made to the guy. I thought I was safe until I got an email from him on Tuesday. I was cordial and so was he. We talked back and forth throughout the week and the weekend and we really got into it yesterday when he asked why i was "wasting" time on him after what he said. Well I learned via email during the week he truly does not know the meaning of vain and he should have used self conscious instead. And I admit, I definitely was. Here was this cute guy and then me - gained weight from lack of activity with ankle, not feeling me, etc. Of course I needed someone else besides him to verify I wasn't horrible after all he was pretty hot. I think sometimes when the good looking guy goes for the girl who is not 5'9, blonde, thin, big chested than it is hard to imagine. The only part of that I have is the big chest... I am 5'3, curvy and average and brunette. Similarities... I think not!!

I told him I did not think he was that much of an ass and that is was my stupid insecurity that encompassed me. I am definitely at fault for some of what happened, no question to me. He however used a word that he thought was right and really was not. He chose the wrong word. However I grew up with Italian men and I am not going to let him know that just yet. We both agreed we liked each other and we don't know what we want or what to do... so we agreed to meet for coffee tonight. So we shall see. Am I a sucker, I don't really know. He was the first decent guy my age that I met and liked... but I couldn't handle it. I was trying to sabotage myself and he didn't come to my rescue he left like he should have. Hmmm.... we will see.

Work is work... I have decided if I can't get what I want with a new communications role than I am out... time to move one.

My foot is finally allowing me to wear some cuter shoes and do some more activity so I am trying to kick this weight thing in the butt. Still not perfect but getting there.

Ok, gotta run. I promise to update more often... I have a post St. Paddy's day recap to give you as well.
~xoxo