Because I Said So

In my last post I told you it was Saturday night and I was home with my dog watching movies... yep, it was true. And a half of bottle Chardonnay and two movies later I am questioning my love life yet again!!!

I watched the movie 'Because I Said So' with Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore. It is about a girl probably about my age dating all of the wrong guys and after seeing her two other daughters marry happily the mother, Diane, wants her last daughter, Mandy, to date a nice guy. So, she enlists online dating and interviews the guys first. She does this in a hotel bar and the musician playing that day takes note. They chat and the mother basically says he is wrong for he daughter and the next guy to show up is "perfect." Anyway long story short Mandy ends up with the musician at the end of the show. It was light hearted, fun, carefree but again made me feel like a loser in love. I have dated EVERY wrong guy and wonder when I will find Mr. Right. Let's see who I have dated shall we...
1. left for me for "best" friend (we were 15),
2. dating someone else by 4 (recurring theme),
3. no respect for women,
4. feels the need to have someone on the side,
5. can't let go of the wrong girls when the right one is standing in front of him waiting,
6. "can't let go's" boss who is 12 years older and has a daughter closer in my age (ok more hooking up than dating),
7. the guy from work who wants to grow up yet doesn't want the help/relationship because I intimidate him, and
8. my best friend although short lived.

We can obviously tell that I tend to date guys who are unavailable, either emotionally or physically. Recurring theme - YEP!!! I can read so much into this and not sure how blog appropriate it is because I know who reads this but I will say it all has to do with one fateful night back in the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college when I vowed never to move back to Springfield (that went well) and the course of my emotional life changed forever. I can honestly say that all of this has led me to live this way and makes me realize that at age 26 I have never truly been in love. I know why I am the way I am and how I got this way and I am also pretty good at hiding it. I have finally come to realize and admit I need to fix this. I need to change and say goodbye to some people in my life.

That said, when I am ready to find love, where do you look? I tried online, I tried work but right now working in a predominantly all female environment isn't helping, I have two best friends who are too far to be my sidekicks and one who is close but dating someone herself. I did tell people I am looking and open, so maybe you too can spread the word. Work in progress looking for someone... :-)